Waiting on Results

Waiting on the results of my colonoscopy. 

**Warning** Just a bit of swearing going on in the post that follows. If the f-bomb offends you, then read no further. Disclaimer complete.

I guess there was a SMALL polyp and tissues taken - along with biopsy stuff.

I'm still not 'right'. I still have pain in the SAME SPOT!!! I can't wait to ask the doc how far she got and if she found anything near to where I said I was hurting.

I seem to recall her telling me she had nothing specific - that it was probably a gluten issue or hormones.  I remember thinking, "Hormones shouldn't make one spot all the time - day after day!" and I was a bit ticked that I just spent all the time, money, vacation pay and toilet paper - for someone to tell me, "Maybe it's hormonal."

What the fuck is that bullshit?!! I know it isn't hormonal! For crap-ass sake! Who the fuck hurts every day in the same fuckin' spot; day in and day out; sometimes all day?????!!!! ... due to hormones?

Whatever.  I like that doctor. She's nice. However, that's a fuckin' "I-don't-know-what-is-wrong-with-you" answer. So, if the biopsies come back with nothing wrong, once again, it's time to take my health into my own hands! WTF do we have docs for, if they can't even guide us into the right direction and we have to figure it out on our own anyway?

I know. There are times when doctors are AMAZING and we DO need them. I know that they are only human and we do not come with zippers in our abdomen. I just wish it wasn't so FUCKING EXPENSIVE to receive a, "Sorry, I can't help you." bullshit answer.

7 Days Into August...

It's only seven days into August and I'm on a 4-day flare up. Not really too bad, but enough to slow me down.  On day 1 I was so medicated, on an empty stomach, that I would sway.  On day 2, I couldn't get up from the couch without my walker.  On day 3 parts hurt everywhere. Today, day 4, I hurt everywhere that didn't hurt yesterday! LOL

It's my own fault - too much sugary drinks lately. Tonight I said, "Fuck it!" and actually ate two smallish pieces of crust from my pizza. The other pieces I skipped the crust.  I was going to fast this week - guess I'll start tomorrow! LOL

Time to medicate and go find the recliner.

July Woes 2012

My July 2012 was filled with health issues...

Sore spot on old c-section scar.

Tenderness all over

Bloating

Fatigue

Vertigo

Abnormal PAP results

Praying

Ultrasound

Transvaginal scope

Lumps, bumps, bruising and more

Masses vs. cysts

Cancer scare

Sleepless nights

Medications

Pain days

Drama

A few pounds heavy

Tenderness at the waistband

Fibromyalgia hot spots

Gluten issues

~

~

~

July ended with a praise report...

No cancer

Still the tender body issues

Now the medical bills issues

Always the praise.

For it wasn't this ~ It would be something else.

I'll take this.

Thank you, Lord.

When I Hurt

I don't know if I've used that as a title once before or not, but when I hurt I hurt alot and I just want to say, "Fuck it all."

Now, I know that isn't the most intelligent or creative thing I could say, but when I'm in pain, I really don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks. I'm hurting. I'm cranky when I hurt. I may not always be cranky openly - sometimes I'm cranky on the inside. Like tonight when I had to work. I was cranky on the inside. The thoughts inside my head were mean. I didn't speak any of those thoughts, because they were irrational and not "ME".  However, when I'm hurting I do tend to drop the f-bomb a bit more.  Sometimes people will notice and they will say things like, "I didn't know you swore!"  Well, of COURSE I swear. It's just that USUALLY, I'm bigger than that little bomb of mine. USUALLY, I'm more creative. USUALLY, I'm more patient and can endure more.

But, not today. Today I hurt and I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me. I will be understanding with you - please be understanding towards me. Actually, today - pain day #3 - I don't care if you understand or not! LOL  USUALLY, I will ask for your patience and understanding, but not today.

I've been hurting for three days now.  I was medicated for the first two. Tonight, I'm not medicated because I had to drive. However, I will be going to bed soon and you can bet you sweet pjammas that I will have a medicated slumber tonight.

A Day Centered On Pain

I am in alot of fucking pain!

Today

Endo pain

&

Fibro pain

Work in the morning --- all day long

Four pills instead of two

Two more pills instead of one

Endo in front

Fibro

in back, legs, neck and upper arms.

Weather Front?

This card isn't my design, I saw it on
etsy - I think by a J. Cuthbertson.

The weather was pretty steady this past weekend. While Friday was fraught with waves, Saturday and Sunday were wonderful pain free days.

Today is another story. The forecast for tomorrow is 80% chance of a snow 'storm'. I wonder if this is the reason for the change in my pain.  I had a good night's rest both Sat. & Sun., but today I awoke with an achy right side of the whole length of my body. Honestly, head-to-toe I'm aching and I have no explanation as to why.

I'm told that's the deal with fibro - that there is no rhyme or reason to one's pain.  Is that what is going on with me?

Pain in Waves

My blogs are like oceans. I've said that before.  However, now I'm relating my body to an ocean also.  Some days I'm calm and serene. Other days the waves are loud and crashing; all consuming and hypnotizing; powerful surges from head-to-toe.  Like an upsurge or rise, pain comes to a crest.  Progressively swelling not only in size, but also intensity.  I am reminded by that sea shell to tread lightly through my pain... through my life.  Nothing matters unless it has to do with eternity. I tread lightly through my pain days. Eventually, calm will come again. The sun will come out as the fog clears.

When I'm in the throes of a flare up, it feels like it will never end. I know it will, but it's kinda overwhelming and sometimes I get scared while I'm in the middle of it all.

Not only do I feel waves of pain going from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet, but I also feel a nagging headache trying to get my attention.  I feel that I may be slipping into a weekend that will end up on the couch. Waves of pain are slowly growing in their intensity. I'm glad we got some movies!  One of them was the second half of the latest Dr. Who season! Yay!  The laundry is pretty much done, the house is pretty much clean, the dishes are done and this weekend we will use paper plates if I'm not up for anything.  I wonder if wine coolers will put me to sleep or aggravate my pain???  hmmm... Groceries are purchased and put away, so lunches won't be a problem. 

I guess I can just sit back and try to relax!  I wish I had a list of uplifting scriptures to go to when I'm in this mindset. I have a friend that can help with that - I'll send off an email to her straight away!  Then I should be all set when my hubby gets home!

Kinda hurting today.

I woke up from a wonderful night's rest. I felt all refreshed and ready to hit the day running... then I tried to get outta bed. I got out, but I hurt in several places! 

What the heck?

Oh well, take a pill and deal with it!

Endo pain

Stupid, stinkin' annoying gas pains today! grrr

Gluten free helps tons, but it (gluten) can sneak in there and annoy the hell outta my system!

 Last night I ate lumpia and rice. Lumpias are Filippino egg rolls ----- the wraps are made with wheat flour.   I only ate 3 last night. Today my system was 'alright', but not perfect.  So, for lunch today, I ate 3 more... now my system is screaming angry and completely pissed at me!!

Response to My Fb Post

Ladies! Thank you so much for the support! - what wonderful advice. I, too, do the gluten free, the swimming and the soft pants on those bad days. Thank you so much for sharing.

Recently, I've heard that gluten and endo girls DO NOT mix well. So I'm gluten free. I can't tell you how great I feel, I don't have the words, but you already know how great I feel if you, also, are gluten free!

As far as workouts go - I'm not able to take advantage of hard workouts either. It doesn't pay to go to a gym and pay $$ because it would be a waste! I was able to find a hotel that allows the public to use their pool for $3.00 a day. Sometimes I spend alot there, and then some months none at all.  But at least its as I can and no membership dues, etc.  Swimming is a wonderful and complete body workout anyway.  I also like jumping/skipping rope and hula-hoops!!

I've not had to give up caffeine. I've heard lots of endo girls can't do caffeine tho'. I'd miss it.

I really want to add:  A natural doctor told me that it can take 6 months or more to heal the interior intestinal wall from gluten intolerance aggravation or damage.  So, I decided that I was going to fast to try and speed the healing along.  I drink Kefir and yogurt, kombucha, lots of teas, water, coconut water, home-made stock soup/broth, aloe juice and ionic colloidal silver.

If you can go natural in your healing I highly recommend it.  My OBGYN calls me his medical freak because I defy every medical advisory he has given me -- and it all works.  He doesn't understand why!  LOL  I believe in doctors, but I want them to work with me naturally too.  It's a good balance. My endo blog journal (http://tyrasendo.blogspot.com/) has what I do. I just started my journal, even though I've been dealing with endo since I was a young girl.

I hope someday that we can all find a good internal balance and not gage our days by pain, or even by the hour.

Thank you again for your support. I must say that my tummy went down and since I've been gluten free, it hasn't been cranky with me!

Pain Days Come and Go

My Fibro & Endo are both aggravated by poor diet and stress, etc.

Back in April (2011) I lost 2 part-time jobs and a Gramma died. Then in May my Dad had a heart attack. He lives in a state that is a 3-day drive away from me.  In June, another Gramma died.  July saw me with a bad back.  During those several months, I was not taking very good care of myself.  Lack of sleep, lots of stress and forgetfulness.  I forgot to take my supplements regularly, if at all and had to succumb to pain meds for my back and sleeplessness.  I also had to eat in the car between working and visiting in two different cities.

I am now back on track, but with my last cycle I could certainly feel the effects of my forgetfulness and previous high stress levels!  My cycle was incredibly hard and painful. I passed large blood clots and had several headaches.  In April I remember I actually had to take Ibuprofen for the pain. My sleepless nights in May, spent waiting for that phone to ring and making medical arrangements for my Dad created a perfect body environment for fatigue headaches and body aches.

I must stress how important it is to NOT let the small adjustments to your health habits slide away from you during times of stress.

 I am a bit... anxious and nervous to see what my next cycle will be like.  I am also trying to remain calm and centered. Focusing on peace and tranquility; health and diet; and keeping stressful situations at bay.

I have closure with my Grandmothers' deaths and I just recently found some closure with my relationship with my Father.  I have lots of other people to pray for, whose situations are more dire than my own and I'm trying to keep my focus on the Lord.

I now have some free time, due to the passing of my Grandmother and I am using that time to get back into my art hobbies.

I am also buying enormous quantities of chocolate from Fleet Farm - they just had a sale!

Please take care of you. Remember who you are without pain.

Gentle thoughts and hugs ~Tyra