After My "Procedure"

From 2014. How ironic that I found this unpublished post, today, in 2018 just days prior to me having a similar procedure done.

The results have come back fine, however, I must say that my doctor was a complete asshole.

Not only did I feel the entire section being cut off, because he didn't wait long enough for the numbing agent to take effect, but he was simply rude. His nurse was a bag of rocks as well. I wasn't given any "post-op" instructions. No "discharge directions". The only question I could think of was, "Do I need to be on an antibiotic?" His reply was, "If you smell funny or get a fever, call me."  My procedure was on a Thursday... meaning that by the time a noticeable infection was in progress, it would be the weekend.

Whatever.

I went onto a wonderful fb page.... something to do with Teal Ladies. I learned a TON of information thru them. Just wonderful. Truly.  So, I learned that I shouldn't do any heavy lifting for the first week. No sex for 4-6 weeks or more if I'm still bleeding. Oh, and the bleeding .... that could happen for 4-6 weeks as well.  No baths either. However, every once in a while, I need to sit in a bath to get my blood pressure down quickly.  So, I decided that when I do need the bp lowered, that I wouldn't put anything in the water, other than my curvacious self.

So, it wasn't the best experience, but at least it is over and my results came back GOOD for me!!!

Breakdown vs. Bravery

I said to my Sister-in-Law, I'm brave on the outside. We caught the cancer cells very early. I can do this. I'm brave. Nothing to worry about. My doctor said, "I don't want you to worry."

That was yesterday.

Then I got a migraine.

Really?

I mean, REALLY?!!!

So, off to bed I went. Me and my headache.

Then I woke up. With a headache. I walked through it. I let the dog out so she could do her doggy duties.  I fed her and laid my sorry self down on the couch. My Luna girl quietly played with her blanket and I tried to sleep some more.

However, 16 hours after my migraine started, I was still hurting. The rest of the house was finally waking up, so I went upstairs to do my own morning duties, but I was hurting so bad with that migraine....

Breakdown occurs.

Breakdowns can include lots of tears. Loud crying. Sobbing. Hanging on to the one guy that seems to actually WANT to hold me up. And, snot. Lots of snot.

I went to the bedroom to get some clean clothes for after my shower, but the pain was excruciating. One look at me, one look at him and I break.

"I'm tired of hurting." "I don't want cancer." "I don't want to do this."

He told me to let it out. That at that very moment I don't need to be brave. I don't need to act brave. I can just let it out. He has me.

Just How Much can One Body or Person... Namely ME.... Live With and/or Through

What a title, eh? Nice and long.

Yesterday, my doctor told me I have cervical cancer. He said, "We caught it early." So that's a good thing. I go in Nov. 13th for my procedure. He said, "It's all in one spot." He thinks he can get it all without any trouble.  I have nothing to complain about. 

I was going to whine a little - about the things going on with my body.  Endometriosis - infertility. Celiacs - no gluten. Nerve damage in my spine - very specific points of pain. I don't believe I have fibromyalgia at all, since the symptoms of fibro mimic the symptoms from gluten damage. Also, I don't believe I have MS, although I do have to undergo that spinal test later. But, I don't believe I have MS because the smptoms of my nerve damage in my spine mimics MS symptoms.  I was going to. I was going to type out my little pity party.  I changed my mind.

My mind was changed because a classmate of mine just had a complete hysterectomy after having both breasts removed. She's had 8 surgeries this year.

I was going to vent and ask the void, "Just how much can one body or person live through? How much can a person live with? How much can we endure?"

Apparently, a body can endure a lot. I don't have lots.

I Feel Weird Today

I feel weird today.  I think the amount of blood I lost, while not by the gallon, is more than I would normally lose. It isn't time for my cycle, so any blood lost now is in excess of what I would normally lose.  Anyway, I feel so tired and kinda weak.

I read that my procedure can become infected. I hope to fuck not!

So, today, I'm tired, dizzy, feel weird and weak. I have slight pinchy feelings in my hoochie. Sometimes the pinchy feeling lasts about 2 min. and hurts like all fuck!  At other times, I feel like I'm ovulating. When I ovulate, I usually hurt. It's that kind of hurt. I also hurt after having an orgazm - which I haven't recently, but I'm just adding that here. Afterwards, I hurt all over. My abdomen, my ovaries, my chest hurts, my hips will hurt and sometimes my arms hurt.  It's not like we have super sonic sex, not at all. It just hurts my body. I'd rather skip it all together.

Anyway, I feel weird today.

Colposcopy

I had to have one yesterday. The part of the pap that is off, indicates cervical cancer.

My uncomfortable spot to spread wide.

The procedure didn't hurt. I didn't feel him clip away a piece of my cervix. I felt his hand move, but no pain. The pain came later, just a bit of sharp stabby. 

Still bleeding tho. That can take up to 5 days to stop. I happen to bleed very easy tho... 

I know I don't have a real reason to whine, but I would like too. I'm tired of not being in perfect health. I'm tired of headaches and hurting so bad that I can't move.

Honestly, I think of death often. But,then I think of grand babies. That only helps for a little. 

I don't want to deal with cancer. 

What the HELL Is Wrong With Me?

I'm telling ya.... it's just a bit too crazy.

First, it's ENDOMETRIOSIS - which I have.

Then, it's FIBROMYALGIA - which I wonder about.

Then, it's CELIACS - which the doctor saw damage, so, okay... I have it then.

Now, they tell me I have MS - beginning stages.

W. T. F.

Honestly, this is what I believe:

I have endometriosis and all sorts of "fun" damage that goes with that.

I also have intestinal damage from gluten.

I think the fibro symptoms MIMIC the symptoms that I can get from gluten damage. No to fibro.

I think the MS symptoms MIMIC the fibro which MIMICS the gluten damage symptons. Not sure about the MS.

However, I do have some brain lesions .... these can come from ENDO damage AND stages of MS.

So, what I know is that my head hurts every day. My body hurts every day. My intestines only hurt if I ingest gluten. I fall LESS when I stay away from gluten.  My legs don't lose function when I stay away from gluten --- so far. But, my head.... that hurts every day. My body.... every day.

But, it's all manageable! So, I'm good!

My Little Pain Buddy