Breakdown vs. Bravery

I said to my Sister-in-Law, I'm brave on the outside. We caught the cancer cells very early. I can do this. I'm brave. Nothing to worry about. My doctor said, "I don't want you to worry."

That was yesterday.

Then I got a migraine.

Really?

I mean, REALLY?!!!

So, off to bed I went. Me and my headache.

Then I woke up. With a headache. I walked through it. I let the dog out so she could do her doggy duties.  I fed her and laid my sorry self down on the couch. My Luna girl quietly played with her blanket and I tried to sleep some more.

However, 16 hours after my migraine started, I was still hurting. The rest of the house was finally waking up, so I went upstairs to do my own morning duties, but I was hurting so bad with that migraine....

Breakdown occurs.

Breakdowns can include lots of tears. Loud crying. Sobbing. Hanging on to the one guy that seems to actually WANT to hold me up. And, snot. Lots of snot.

I went to the bedroom to get some clean clothes for after my shower, but the pain was excruciating. One look at me, one look at him and I break.

"I'm tired of hurting." "I don't want cancer." "I don't want to do this."

He told me to let it out. That at that very moment I don't need to be brave. I don't need to act brave. I can just let it out. He has me.

Just How Much can One Body or Person... Namely ME.... Live With and/or Through

What a title, eh? Nice and long.

Yesterday, my doctor told me I have cervical cancer. He said, "We caught it early." So that's a good thing. I go in Nov. 13th for my procedure. He said, "It's all in one spot." He thinks he can get it all without any trouble.  I have nothing to complain about. 

I was going to whine a little - about the things going on with my body.  Endometriosis - infertility. Celiacs - no gluten. Nerve damage in my spine - very specific points of pain. I don't believe I have fibromyalgia at all, since the symptoms of fibro mimic the symptoms from gluten damage. Also, I don't believe I have MS, although I do have to undergo that spinal test later. But, I don't believe I have MS because the smptoms of my nerve damage in my spine mimics MS symptoms.  I was going to. I was going to type out my little pity party.  I changed my mind.

My mind was changed because a classmate of mine just had a complete hysterectomy after having both breasts removed. She's had 8 surgeries this year.

I was going to vent and ask the void, "Just how much can one body or person live through? How much can a person live with? How much can we endure?"

Apparently, a body can endure a lot. I don't have lots.