Waiting on Results

Waiting on the results of my colonoscopy. 

**Warning** Just a bit of swearing going on in the post that follows. If the f-bomb offends you, then read no further. Disclaimer complete.

I guess there was a SMALL polyp and tissues taken - along with biopsy stuff.

I'm still not 'right'. I still have pain in the SAME SPOT!!! I can't wait to ask the doc how far she got and if she found anything near to where I said I was hurting.

I seem to recall her telling me she had nothing specific - that it was probably a gluten issue or hormones.  I remember thinking, "Hormones shouldn't make one spot all the time - day after day!" and I was a bit ticked that I just spent all the time, money, vacation pay and toilet paper - for someone to tell me, "Maybe it's hormonal."

What the fuck is that bullshit?!! I know it isn't hormonal! For crap-ass sake! Who the fuck hurts every day in the same fuckin' spot; day in and day out; sometimes all day?????!!!! ... due to hormones?

Whatever.  I like that doctor. She's nice. However, that's a fuckin' "I-don't-know-what-is-wrong-with-you" answer. So, if the biopsies come back with nothing wrong, once again, it's time to take my health into my own hands! WTF do we have docs for, if they can't even guide us into the right direction and we have to figure it out on our own anyway?

I know. There are times when doctors are AMAZING and we DO need them. I know that they are only human and we do not come with zippers in our abdomen. I just wish it wasn't so FUCKING EXPENSIVE to receive a, "Sorry, I can't help you." bullshit answer.

Needed My Walker...

I was in the middle of a 5 day flare-up when I could no longer get to a standing position from a sitting position.  When I could get upright, my knees gave out and I tumbled onto the futon. FUCK!

Time to get out my walker. I only needed it, at first, for the one evening, but then I needed it again two days later.  The only thing I don't like about it is that it has wheels and sometimes goes faster than I do! I feel like it will ZOOOOM out in front of me.  Here's a pic I found on the net, but mine is all black:

  

I used to borrow one from my Gramma - I liked that one better. I may have to find one like it, since Gram is no longer with me.  Anyway, I liked that one better because it didn't have wheels - no zooming out from under me.  It was light weight too, so I could have someone take it upstairs and then put on my side of the bed - there to help me get up and out of bed in the morning! That one looked like this: 

The last time I needed a walker was... I think in 2010 and it was around Christmas time. I decorated it with garland and battery operated twinkle lights! It was great fun. Well... as much fun as could be had! LOL

I'm on the way out of this flare-up, but it sure is taking longer this time...

On a Scale of 1-10

Where am I today on the pain scale?

At a fuckin' 12 -

Seriously, they need an adult version for the stupid little pain scale model. You know that one with the smiley faces turning into angry faces? I'm not angry, I'm in PAIN! There needs to be a face with tears running down the face, mouth wide open like it's screaming or one with a conversation bubble over it dropping the F-bomb.

0:  Hi.  I am not experiencing any pain at all.  I don't know why I'm even here.

1:  I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.

2:  I probably just need a Band Aid.

3:  This is distressing.  I don't want this to be happening to me at all.

4:  My pain is not fucking around.

5:  Why is this happening to me??

6:  Ow.  Okay, my pain is super legit now.

7:  I see Jesus coming for me and I'm scared.   

8:  I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain.  I might actually be dying.  Please help.

9:  I am almost definitely dying.

10:  I am actively being mauled by a bear.

11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.

That would help alleviate some pain right there! It would give us something to laugh about!

7 Days Into August...

It's only seven days into August and I'm on a 4-day flare up. Not really too bad, but enough to slow me down.  On day 1 I was so medicated, on an empty stomach, that I would sway.  On day 2, I couldn't get up from the couch without my walker.  On day 3 parts hurt everywhere. Today, day 4, I hurt everywhere that didn't hurt yesterday! LOL

It's my own fault - too much sugary drinks lately. Tonight I said, "Fuck it!" and actually ate two smallish pieces of crust from my pizza. The other pieces I skipped the crust.  I was going to fast this week - guess I'll start tomorrow! LOL

Time to medicate and go find the recliner.

When I Hurt

I don't know if I've used that as a title once before or not, but when I hurt I hurt alot and I just want to say, "Fuck it all."

Now, I know that isn't the most intelligent or creative thing I could say, but when I'm in pain, I really don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks. I'm hurting. I'm cranky when I hurt. I may not always be cranky openly - sometimes I'm cranky on the inside. Like tonight when I had to work. I was cranky on the inside. The thoughts inside my head were mean. I didn't speak any of those thoughts, because they were irrational and not "ME".  However, when I'm hurting I do tend to drop the f-bomb a bit more.  Sometimes people will notice and they will say things like, "I didn't know you swore!"  Well, of COURSE I swear. It's just that USUALLY, I'm bigger than that little bomb of mine. USUALLY, I'm more creative. USUALLY, I'm more patient and can endure more.

But, not today. Today I hurt and I don't give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me. I will be understanding with you - please be understanding towards me. Actually, today - pain day #3 - I don't care if you understand or not! LOL  USUALLY, I will ask for your patience and understanding, but not today.

I've been hurting for three days now.  I was medicated for the first two. Tonight, I'm not medicated because I had to drive. However, I will be going to bed soon and you can bet you sweet pjammas that I will have a medicated slumber tonight.